


Sexy Crossover Car

by Surefall



Series: The Write and Post Adventures [4]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surefall/pseuds/Surefall
Summary: In Rear View, Prowl rescued Cable ... but that's never the end of the story.





	1. In Rear View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prowl rescues Cable from highly likely death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I certainly didn't intend to expand the original challenge prompt, but I ended up doing it anyway.
> 
> So, this is a tale that will always be finished ... until it's not. 
> 
> Subscribe for updates or just stop by once in a while.

Prowl did not anticipate finding any native autonomous mechanical life forms on this planet, where the dominant life forms were tool using organics. So the cry for aid was a surprise.

Long before this planet had sentient life, Prowl was called from the Well of Sparks to protect and serve. Whatever the war has made of him, however it has warped his coding, it can't destroy his base function. Some things can't be changed. Prowl was sparked an enforcer and whatever else he might be now, he will always also be this.

* * *

Nathan Summers woke slowly and stayed still. He was being moved -- felt like a car.

"You are safe, Cable of Providence. I will not harm you." The voice was synthetic, piped through speakers. "We will arrive at the medic facility of Night Nurse in approximately eight minutes."

If they already knew he was awake, there was no value in pretending sleep. Nathan opened his eyes. He was lying in the back seat of a car. There were seat belts strapping him in, like he was strapped to a gurney. They loosened on their own when he made an attempt to rise and strapped themselves cross body when he was upright.

"Who are you?" When Nathan looked forward, he could tell he was in the back of ... a police car? There was glass separating him from the driver, but the driver seat was empty. The road passed by through the windows. "What are you?" he corrected.

"I am Prowl of Praxus, an autonomous mechanical life form from the planet Cybertron. I answered your symbiont's distress call."

"Me, boss," Belle chirped, but it was a very muted chirp, hushed. A mouse taking care in the shadow of an owl.

"You were damaged and require repair," the voice continued as if Belle had not spoken. 

Nathan gingerly touched his side, where he remembered taking a blow. There was a spongy foam like composite over the wound site.

"You were leaking. This adhesive is used to seal line ruptures and suppress internal fires. It is only mildly toxic to organics. Your symbiont has been provided the formula that will aid in detox."

"Thank you." That was a somewhat alarming, but blood loss _would_ kill Nathan and a toxin only _might_. As a field patch, it was sufficient. "Why would you take the form of a car?"

"My alt is a ground pursuit vehicle primarily commissioned for law enforcement. This form is analogous."

It could turn into something _other_ than a car, which was good to know. "How long have you been on Earth?" Nathan asked, because Providence had been gone for years.

"Five years," the car answered and then expanded, deducing what Nathan would ask next, "The Phalanx brought this planet to my attention. Your infonet briefly entertained me, but the political movement you fostered was surprisingly fleeting even by the standards of your species."

Nathan was being sassed by an alien robot. How had this become his day? "Everyone's a critic."


	2. Back Alley Doctors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Night Nurse sees a lot of strange things in her work. The car that drives itself is not _that_ high on the list.

A car horn sounding jolted Nathan awake. He groaned, pressing a hand to his foam covered side as the car door swung open of its own accord. The blood loss must be worse than he thought if he had passed out on the drive, unless it was a combination of the blood loss and the toxins in the patch. 

The seat belts released him and Nathan sagged forward, catching himself on the back of the seat in front of him, turning to look out the open car door to the doorway beyond. He just needed a moment --

Linda Carter, the Night Nurse, flung the back door of her clinic open, dragging a gurney down the ramp, catching it before it slammed into the car. "Cable!"

Before Nathan could formulate a response, the car -- no, _Prowl_ \-- spoke, using a toneless mechanical drone that vibrated from his door speakers, "This unit requires medical assistance." 

"I can see that," Linda snapped, bending to reach inside the car to help drag Nathan out, turning her head to face the driver -- and froze when she saw that there was no driver. "Wh -- ?"

"This unit requires medical assistance," Prowl repeated in the same toneless mechanical drone. Lights rolled on his center console.

"Is this some sort of Nightrider shit?" 

Nathan didn't get the reference, but he thought he had heard it before ... probably from Wade. 

"This unit designated C0P604. This unit requires medical assistance."

"You didn't steal this from the cops, did you?" Linda shook her head, but was already relaxing. Rendering aid to an injured human, pretending to be a "smart" car, but not actually smart enough to be a threat, disguised as a police car ... the trappings of plausible authority had Linda's guard down so easily that Nathan admired the skill of the manipulation.

Nathan shook his head, sliding himself carefully along the seat, "It wanted to call for an ambulance. I asked it to take me here instead." If Prowl wanted to keep his cover, Nathan wouldn't out him. It was the least he owed the alien for his aid.

"Asked," the way Linda's eyebrows raised indicated that she thought that 'asked' meant 'forced', 'threatened', or 'forcibly reprogrammed'. Linda must be spending too much time with vigilantes if she thought so that was the only way one asked anything. "Well, let's get you inside and fixed up." 

"The boss's bandage has to come off soon, doctor lady," Belle spoke up, still in that muted chirp, "the foam's toxic."

"You just have all sorts of toys, huh?" Linda took Belle in swifter stride than she had the car, but she was probably used to Stark. She took breath and then just nodded, "Alright. We need to get that patch off first thing, then. I'll get you settled and tox screened and then I'll take care of the car."

Nathan just nodded as he cautiously rose to his feet, leaning heavily on both Linda and the gurney. Prowl would no doubt disappear the moment Linda's back was turned. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Linda huffed.

"I was thanking the car," Nathan said guilelessly, but he smiled at Linda because he was grateful for her aid too, "but thank you, Linda."

"This unit protects and serves," Prowl droned, "No thanks is necessary, citizen."

Linda's narrow eyed look evaporated with a laugh, "Whoever programmed this car's lines ... " she shook her head. "Can you get on the gurney, Cable?"

"I think so -- "

Prowl's lights and siren suddenly blipped, cutting Nathan off in a flash of blinding red and blue that lit up the alley like a strobe and alerted everyone in a five hundred foot radius that a police car was present. "Hostiles approaching. This unit calling for reinforcements."

"Wait, don't -- " 

Nathan shoved Linda bodily to the ground, falling on top of her as the fire of energy weapons lit up the alley for a second time. Prowl's door snapped downwards between them and the shots, hot plasma splashing across its surface. The secondary heat wash crisped the air and Nathan knew that a normal police car's door would have been slagged and Nathan and Linda with it, but when he glanced up, Prowl's door only smoked with residual heat rather than melting into a stump of metal. Nathan didn't know what Prowl was made out of, but he had to revise his estimations significantly upwards.

"Those reinforcements better come soon," Linda breathed and Nathan couldn't agree with her more as he reached for his own gun and realized that it was _gone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Nate, please, _you_ are a vigilante. 
> 
> 2\. C0P604 = Copbot :D
> 
> 3\. I've named the Night Nurse as Linda Carter based on her appearance in the _Civil War_ comics (and thus she would know who Cable was). Despite that, I've modeled her more on Claire Temple from the Marvel Netflix series since that is the character I'm more familiar with. If you want, you can exchange the names. ^.~
> 
> 4\. Prowl is modeling his speech on Soundwave, a Decepticon known to speak in drone like tones and with an abnormal speech pattern. "Soundwave: Superior." is probably Soundwave's most classic and well known line. Meanwhile, in fanfiction, a common slur for Prowl is "drone". So this is Prowl using something of an in joke as his verbal disguise.


	3. Damsels in Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reinforcements arrive.

"Rude much?!" Two bullets cut through the two men closest to them, a deadly unwasteful accuracy, economy of motion rather than a generous spray of ammo. "Don't you guys know that you're supposed to _hit on_ a sexy nurse and not actually _hit_ them?" A rough voice asked, lilting upwards into a smokey tenor. Nathan's never been more glad to hear Wade's beautiful voice than he is right now, unarmed, trapped in an alley with a non combatant and an alien that wouldn't break cover to act.

The men fall as Wade lands on Prowl's roof, knees bending as he folds into a crouch and rolls down the hood to bleed off momentum rather than break his legs. The roof doesn't flex beneath his weight and neither does the hood, as unyielding as concrete, more proof that Prowl more impervious than he appeared. 

"Wade -- " Nathan doesn't like how breathless he sounds, like a damsel in distress rather than a soldier. _Reinforcements_ , he thinks hysterically, _Prowl called **Wade** to reinforce them!_

Wade drew his swords, spinning them in his hands in a deadly whirl of steel, inhumanly fast as the remaining men take shots at him, only to have the bullets reflected back at them off the gleaming curve of steel. They must not have more than the one energy weapon if they're using bullets now.

"I'm hurt, Nate!" Wade declares as he leaps clear of Prowl. A door swings open, knocking an attacker into the downward arc of Wade's blade, splashing blood across the white and black paint of the police car. Headlights flash, blinding those in front of Prowl with a strobe light burst. Wade cuts them down as if he had always had a car for a fighting partner. "If you were going to take part in a major crossover event, I expect you to call your _friends_!"

Nathan almost laughs, except it would hurt too much, "Mario Kart ended our friendship."

Wade spins, decapitating a man, "Batter up!" The head flies through the air, and ricochets off the door Prowl flicked out to prevent it from striking Linda. Wade thrust his sword point first at Nathan's face, an action that would have been more threatening if he hadn't been all the way across the alley from him. "The blue shell was a betrayal too far," he said dramatically.

"Blue shell?" Linda asked incredulously.

"He knocked me right off Rainbow Road," Wade complained to her, outraged, as he gutted the man sneaking up behind him from stem to stern before kicking him off his blade, "and I was going to win too!" 

"He wasn't going to win," Nathan eased off of Linda and sagged against Prowl's tire. Wade was _here_ , despite everything that was between them. There was a brutal efficiency in every motion despite how flippant his sweet voice was, a sign that Wade took these enemies seriously and what Wade took seriously usually ended up alright. "And the look on his face was not to missed," he confided.

Linda sat up immediately and turned to help Nathan into a sitting position against Prowl's side despite the incredulous expression that had overtaken her face. 

"For the look on my ugly face he ends our friendship," Wade said dramatically, "Don't you know the bro code? Fellows before shell ... " there was a brief pause where Wade realized that didn't actually rhyme, "-os!"

Nathan helpfully pointed that out, "That doesn't even rhyme."

"Shut up! I am a master poet, you unappreciative, uncultured barbarian!" 

"That's _Deadpool_ ," Linda hissed quietly, no doubt finally matching all the talking with the uninhibited violence taking place around them. The red suit probably helped with that too. Nathan smirked in reply. 

"That's my call sign, don't wear it out! Though beautiful damsels in distress can call me Wade," Wade sang out before adding pointedly, "This asshole who used to be my friend can call me Mr. Pool."

"Bros before hos, Wade." Nathan tipped his head back against Prowl's warm side at Wade's cry of outrage, closing his eyes as he smiled. Wade was here and he was so _tired_.

"Boss!" 

"Cable!" 

"Nate!"

Prowl's doors snapped shut with a bang that jerked Nathan out of the dark well he had been sinking into. He was half on his feet again before the world rushed back in and he clutched his side, Linda staggering under his weight when she tried to steady him. He reached out blindly with his mechanical arm and Wade pushed himself underneath it, babbling into his ear, "Let me get this big lug off your hands."

Nathan gratefully relieved Linda of the burden by putting all his weight on Wade's taller and broader shoulders. "Oof! Have you gained weight? You need to lay off the gruel and future grasshoppers. It's done nothing for your figure. Your manhood is slipping away. Is that -- gasp! -- a brown hair on your chiseled jaw? Say it ain't so." 

"I need one of them for -- " it was more difficult than normal to concentrate, to cut across the flow of words to get what he needed to say out. 

"Questioning?" Thankfully, Wade still seemed capable of reading his mind. "One of them's still alive ... or at least, he's not going to bleed out any time soon. I think your sexy crossover car will probably keep him from crawling off."

"These units are under arrest. Do not be afraid, citizens."

"That is just ... _adorable_. Can we adopt him?"

"Divorced," Nathan muttered into Wade's throat and couldn't quite remember if he said it as a reminder or because adopting an alien car was too complicated.

"We need to get him inside, Deadpool," Linda reminded him as she shoved the door to the clinic open and gestured for Wade to follow her. 

"People get remarried," Wade shrugged and turned, bending at the waist as he hooked an arm under Nathan's knees and literally swept him off his feet. Nathan groaned as the motion lanced pain up his side, but there was too much effort involved in regaining anything resembling dignity so he just let his head fall against Wade's shoulder and shut his eyes. "And since I'm carrying you over a threshold _again_ , I'm thinking we can just skip past all those justice of the peace parts and jump straight to the nuptials. What do you say?" 

"Romantically coerce him into marriage after I patch him up." 

"Only if you'll be the witness," Wade said sweetly as he strode into the clinic.

* * *

_Since this **is** a write and post adventure .... _

__

__

_So that up there is the official version, but there were two versions with a randomly appearing Spider-Man, which I have included below. I deleted him because I had too many people on screen and I felt I wasn't properly representing him. Better he not even be there than be utterly useless, right?_

* * *

"He wasn't going to win," Nathan eased off of Linda and sat up with effort, breathing hard as he struggled with the flare up of pain. Wade was _here_ , despite everything that was between them. There was a brutal efficiency in every motion despite how flippant his sweet voice was, a sign that Wade took these enemies seriously and what Wade took seriously usually ended up alright. "And the look on his face was not to missed," he confided.

Linda was under his arm in an instant, helping him to his feet despite the incredulous expression that had overtaken her face. 

"For the look on my ugly face he ends our friendship," Wade said dramatically, "Don't you know the bro code? Fellows before shell ... " there was a brief pause where Wade realized that didn't actually rhyme, "-os!"

Nathan helpfully pointed that out, "That doesn't even rhyme."

"Shut up! I am a master poet, you unappreciative, uncultured barbarian!" 

"That's _Deadpool_ ," Linda hissed quietly, no doubt finally matching all the talking with the uninhibited violence taking place around them. The red suit probably helped with that too. Nathan smirked in reply. 

"That's my call sign, don't wear it out! Though beautiful damsels in distress can call me Wade," Wade sang out before adding pointedly, "This asshole who used to be my friend can call me Mr. Pool."

"Bros before hos, Wade." Nathan steadied himself between Linda and Prowl's side as Wade cried out in outrage.

Prowl's doors abruptly snapped shut and Nathan looked around, past the carnage that was Wade at work as he tried to find what had made Prowl suddenly go still and innocuous. Not five seconds later a thwip thwip thwip sounded and the last three men were being webbed to the dirty wall. "Oh my god, Deadpool, stop!" 

Wade flicked his blades, a practiced motion that shed the blood from them, but he didn't put them away. In the close quarters fight, he hadn't risked additional ricochet by adding his own bullets to the mix, but the drawback was that now the alley was littered with blood spray and butchered corpses. Prowl's clean white was splashed in more red than Nathan had realized until now. Wade didn't look at Nathan or Claire, his head had turned upwards as Spider-Man landed on the fire escape above them. "What are you doing?!" He sounded a cross between horrified and utterly scandalized. "I thought we agreed there would be no more killing!"

The line of tension in Wade's shoulders was like a scream to Nathan even though his voice was light and airy. "Well, you know how it goes, Spidey. My hand just _slipped_. Ten times at least! I think I have a real gift for alley decor. Do you think heads on pikes, framing the door in an archway, would be too much? On second thought, there can never be _too much_ warning ... not to _fuck with a clinic_." A black snarl slid into Wade's sweet voice on the end and Spider-Man's shoulders went back. The moment hung on a knife edge and the tension that coiled in Wade's shoulders vibrated. 

"Leave them alone. You're done enough damage tonight," Spider-Man growled, "I'm --

Nathan cut coolly across whatever he was going to say, "I only need one of them for questioning."

"Deadpool, no -- don't!"

Nathan smiled and closed his eyes, tiredness beginning to overtake him, as two men screamed as they were gutted. He didn't feel smug _at all_. 

....

Maybe a little bit smug.

* * *

"Leave them alone. You're done enough damage tonight," Spider-Man growled, "I'm --

Nathan cut coolly across whatever he was going to say, "I only need one of them for questioning."

Before the final syllable had even faded, Wade lunged, his blades sliding across two throats so deeply that the heads nearly lolled off their bodies, blood arcing through the air. He flicked his blades, a flashy whirl of steel and fury, before he sheathed them in one smooth motion. He spun on his heel and bowed to Linda and Nathan, sweeping an arm out to encompass the alley, "Hello, Nurse!"

Nathan smiled and tilted his head to stare Spider-Man right in his eye-holes -- at trick he had perfected with Wade -- before dismissing him, reaching for Wade with his mechanical arm in a silent demand. 

"Let me get this big lug off your hands," Wade didn't run or strut, but it was an awfully swift and self-satisfied saunter. He pushed himself under Nathan's outstretched arm and Nathan gratefully relieved Linda of the burden by putting all his weight on Wade's taller and broader shoulders. "Oof! Have you gained weight? You need to lay off the gruel and future grasshoppers. It's done nothing for your figure. Your manhood is slipping away. Is that -- gasp! -- a brown hair on your chiseled jaw? Say it ain't so."

Nathan pressed his forehead against the side of Wade's head, closing his eyes tiredly, and murmured against his ear, "Thank you, Wade."

"For what? Being made of awesome? I guess I do deserve a parade," Wade mused thoughtfully, "Or at least a chocolate fountain attended by scantily clad super time soldiers?"

Nathan chuckled and groaned with regret as it made his side spasm in pain.

Linda pushed the door to the clinic open and held it. She looked up at the infuriated Spider-Man and said pointedly, "You could help clean up the mess instead of perch up there and disapprove."

"What?! No! I'm calling the police!"

Linda gestured at Prowl, "They already did."

The air vibrated and Belle whimpered as a high pitched whine built, scraping across Nathan's very nerves. Something exploded high on the wall and Spider-Man yelped, newly outraged, "That was new!" The gravel bounced and Nathan grit his teeth as his whole mechanical arm vibrated, a burning agony that whited out all other sensations. The energy weapon exploded in a shower of sparks and smoking metal, plasma splashing across the concrete by Prowl's tire. A dozen tiny electronics on the soldiers exploded in eerie unison. The vibration abruptly cut off and Nathan gasped for air as the lack of blinding pain brought the world abruptly back into focus. He was no longer standing up at all, he was being carried, Wade's arms under his legs and shoulders. Dimly, he decided that was a good thing, since it meant he couldn't _fall down_.

"What the hell?!" Wade snapped, kicking out at Prowl's tire.

"Tracking devices neutralized."

"You made the tamagotchi cry!" Wade growled, hitching Nathan higher in his arms.

There was a beat of silence through which must have passed digital communications because Belle abruptly stirred from her catatonic curl.

"It's okay," Belle whispered on his shoulder. Static laced her voice, but it grew stronger as she spoke, "I'm okay. Really. It doesn't hurt any more."

"That's it," Linda snapped, "Get in the clinic!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. In _Cable & Deadpool_, Nathan compares Wade's voice to Demi Moore's, which I have always assumed to mean that they both have a rough/smokey tone (in keeping with other descriptions the comics provide as to what Wade's voice sounds like) ... but it entertains me to think that he _literally_ sounds like Demi Moore.
> 
> 2\. The fic references a snippet from [this](http://ifninomiko.tumblr.com/post/157512329546/cablexdeadpool-vermalreikcablepool).
> 
> 3\. ... and I admit it. Spider-Man was originally there so Prowl could blow up his camera.


End file.
